Holy Crap!

This was at 6PM tonight. I think I'm melting ............................

Babies - R - Us

Well ... what a way to pick up blogging after a lengthy time away. I finished my MSN and changed jobs. Putting that aside, it seems that for as dull as my life seems to be, there's never really a dull moment ...

You won't believe what happened to me yesterday morning! There I was ... minding my own business while walking to my office @ 0830 when I encountered a tech from the ER pushing a VERY pregnant lady in a wheelchair. She hopped up out of the w/c and squatted next to it. I knew that wasn't good, so I went to check on her. They were on their way to L&D, but she refused to get back in the w/c and insisted on walking. She said she was having contractions every minute, and this was her 3rd child. Then she squeezed my arm & said she felt the head. What I saw certainly startled me - a huge, growing bulge in the crotch of her sweat pants! OH. MY. GOD!!! Mind you, I am a nurse for critically ill grown-ups, and have been for some twenty years now. I was screaming on the inside, but couldn't let her know that! A Case Manager rounded the corner, thank God.

Well .... we gently laid her down and delivered the baby right there in the hallway. I grabbed it, put it on her chest, and covered it with my jacket. It cried immediately, thank God! When more people showed up, as I stood up, I slipped and fell, hitting the back of my head on the floor. At that moment, I became a patient, too, with a huge scalp hematoma and a laceration that thankfully just bled alot but didn't need suturing.

There's conflicting information as to whether or not I lost consciousness when I fell. I contend that I didn't, but I guess a person wouldn't remember if they did. I do know that I heard a very loud "gong" sound and literally saw stars when my skull met the terrazzo floor. With blood quickly leaving my head (I take Coumadin), and a rapidly growing knot on the back of my head, I then got into the wheelchair that my new patients were in only 10 minutes earlier. The tech made the return trip to the ER pushing me instead of an empty wheelchair. I spent the next 3.5 hrs in the ER, where I got blood work and CT scans. No blood or growths inside my skull, but I have a follow-up with a neurosurgeon in the morning. I do have a masterful headache, but that's to be expected. Tylenol and an ice pack are controlling it pretty well.

I never even knew what flavor the baby was till the director of L&D came to visit me in the ER. I found out it was a girl, named Hannah - my favorite girl name, by the way. Had I ever had one, that would have been her name. Kind of ironic, huh? Hannah weighed in at 6 lb 6 oz.

All's well. Hannah went to the "regular" nursery, and she & Mom are doing just fine at last report. I'd like to think that any other nurse I work with would have helped if they were in the same situation, but with what I see out there, I just can't say for sure.

I got "rewarded" with 2 days off to recover from my headache (thanks to workman's comp). I have to admit ... I'm pretty satisfied with how things worked out. I guess that the year I spent working in L&D @ as a new grad over 20 years ago (God, has it really been that long?) finally came in handy, and that everything happens for a reason!

On Hiatus

I'm obviously an infrequent poster ... even moreso lately. School started back up a few weeks ago, and like many of you, I am back to the grind. I work full time and am in grad school full time, which is no easy task. I am exhausted all the time, and have little time (or energy) to do much else but work and study. That includes sleep - not much of that going on here, either - a couple of hours here, a couple of hours there. The good news in all of this is that after this semester, I'll only have 3 classes left till I have my Master's degree.

That being said, I need to step back from the blog scene and direct my energy toward my studies. That doesn't mean I won't be doing some occasional lurking on your sites, and maybe even posting a comment here and there! So ... I'm officially "AFK" (away from the keyboard") as far as my blog is concerned, and I know you'll all understand ...

Till we "see" each other again ....
~RWS

Lost in Translation

This is on the side of a box of condoms. For obvious reasons, I don't think I'd use them! I've seen funny translations like this before... here's some others I have seen in various places:

* "Drop your pants here for best results." -sign at a dry cleaning store in Tokyo

* "We take your bags and send them in all directions." -sign at a Scandinavian airport

* "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." -sign at a dry cleaning store in Bangkok

* "Please leave your values at the front desk." -sign in a hotel in Paris

* "Here speeching American." -sign in a Moroccan shop

* "No smoothen the lion." -sign in a zoo in the Czech Republic

* "The lift is being fixed. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable." -sign in Bucharest hotel lobby

* "Teeth extracted by latest methodists." -sign in Hong Kong dentist's office

* "STOP! Drive Sideways." -detour sign in Japan

* "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -sign in a Rome laundry

* "If you consider our help impolite, you should see the manager." -sign in an Athens hotel

* "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for." -on the menu of a Swiss restaurant

* "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man." -in a Bangkok temple

* "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin." -window of a Swedish furrier

* "Specialist in women and other diseases." -doctor's office in Rome

* "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor." -car rental brochure in Tokyo

Of course, there is a plethora of quotes like these out there. As I said in the intro, these have been picked up here and there. English evidently is one of the hardest languages to master -- hell ... many who have English as their native tongue can't even speak it properly!

~RWS

The Handbook - Part III

Today, we have the final installment from The Handbook. We'll be discussing different types of patients - those that try your patience. In other words, "Patients That can Make You Lose Your Patience". I have heard they exist, but I have never had any of these, so this will be a learning experience for me. How about you?

First, we have The Slave Driver. They insist that you do just one thing to make them comfortable. I mean, it's your job, right? Just know that these patients won't be comfortable unless you are in there constantly making them that way.

The next type is The Spoiled Slave Driver. These are usually women with maids. Now, don't be mistaken. They can also be of the male persuasion. Anyway, these patients are similar to the slave driver in that they are satisfied while you are in their room doing something for them. They become dissatisfied when you leave, though. As a consequence, they will call you back repeatedly so that you can do everything for them all over again.

Then there's The Push Button Player. These are often children or curious adults. They can't get over the amazing fact that if they press the call button, you (or your designee) will magically show up. They seem to think this is magic. They also drive stewardesses crazy, and they will even pull emergency cords on trains and buses to see if they'll stop.

Let's move on to The Guilt Specialist. This very special type of patient is bold as can be. They will try to do your job for you ... then try to make you feel incompetent. They say things like, "Oh, I took my own temperature and gave myself a bath. I didn't want to bother you."

Next, there's The Yenta. This kind of patient wants to know you personally, dear. They ask about your health, age, social life, sex life, etc. This concern seems to be touching. Then you realize that they are either buttering you up for special treatment, or they are gathering information for future blackmail attempts. Man!

How could we forget The Wanderer? They like to roam around. They can't stay in one place too long - especially bed! They "float" from unit to unit, and it's your job to find them and bring them back. Hooray for bed exit alarms!

Let's examine The Eccentric now. They like to sing at odd hours, or let out the occasional primal scream. Sometimes they like to "watch" the test pattern on TV (at full volume), or tell jokes - mainly dirty ones - and at particularly inopportune times. Sometimes they even perform pranks like putting apple juice in their specimen cups, then drinking it in front of you.

Oh, my gosh! How about The Playboy? He's more often than not a middle-aged, balding married man who has seen The Sensuous Nurse. He has all the lines you don't really want to hear. You see, he is looking for "special", very personal care. He often mistakes medical care for stimulation. But then, he mistakes eating, sleeping, and everything else for stimulation, doesn't he? He usually seems more than eager for a bedbath, even though he is fully capable of going into the shower alone.

Last, but not least, we have The Doctor's Helper. This patient assumes that the doctor knows everything, and nurses know nothing. They constantly question your authority and actions. Like ... "Why are you emptying my bedpan? Didn't the doctor tell you to do that, or aren't you supposed to measure it?". They'd probably like to bombard the doctor with all of these questions, but since the nurse is the one there, you guessed it! S/he is the target!

All joking aside, patients can also be wonderful and very appreciative. They are not all pains in the ass - not by a long shot! You'll all have your fair share of both types, believe me! Try your hardest to find the best in them and to realize that their bad behavior is often the result of some type of pathological process. If (and sometimes that's a huge "if"!!) you can do that, it'll likely make your shift - and their stay - a bit easier.

Hang in there!

~RWS